20 ways to be a lady

Derek Blasberg

As promised in an earlier post, here’s my take on Derek Blasberg’s book Very Classy. So who is Derek Blasberg and what makes him such an expert on lady-like behavior? He’s a fashion writer, editor and author of the New York Times best seller Classy. Based on his observations and his experience in the industry, he can categorize the women he’s met into two groups: ladies and tramps.

During my first reading of the book I thought to myself: He’s got some solid advice for young women. If I had a daughter I might give her a copy, but for the fact that he uses some form of the word “skank” 22 times and “tramp” 54 times. If these words offend you, don’t bother reading it.

Very Classy covers everything a young girl needs to know to become a responsible, successful adult. There is way too much content for me to discuss here, so I’ll just share some of my favorites.

It goes without saying that appearance is the basis for most first impressions. According to Derek, it is one of the things that best differentiates ladies from tramps. This pretty much says it all:

Real ladies dress to respect themselves. They dress up their assets and cover their asses. Tramps confuse their asses with their assets.

My top 20 pearls of wisdom culled from the book -- in no particular order -- I would pass on to a daughter approaching adulthood -- if I had one:

1. A lady doesn’t do anything she's not comfortable with.
2. It’s not always the loudest, least covered, blondest, biggest-chested girl at the party having the most fun. It is the smart, sweet, thoughtful girls who are most attractive.
3. There is a fine line between looking sexy and slutty. Exposed body parts and underwear are not sexy.
4. Nothing good can come from a young woman’s amateur attempt at pole dancing.
5. While dining, a lady knows that her cell phone should not be visible unless there is an emergency. It's downright gauche to give your phone more attention than your dining companions. (See manners makeover.)
6. A lady doesn’t apply makeup at the table.
7. A lady understands that once she posts something on the Internet she can never take it back. The World Wide Web has a very good memory.
8. A lady knows how to give a compliment—and mean it. She also knows how to receive a compliment gracefully.
9. A lady is careful with her words, even the nasty ones.
10. A lady accepts an apology, even if she doesn’t want to. There’s nothing ladylike about a grudge.
11. A lady makes an apology, not an excuse.
12. A lady doesn’t cheat – on cards, tests or boyfriends.
13. A lady is aware of what she eats, but is not obsessed by it.
14. A lady takes her health seriously.
15. A lady shouldn’t do something she’s going to feel guilty about later.
16. A lady is always learning. Unlike large breasts and full bottoms, in a few decades intelligence won’t sag. (Love this!)
17. A lady is never worried about possessing intelligence.
18. A lady is knowledgeable about current events.
19. A lady has opinions and lets them be known freely and at appropriate times.
20. A lady has a charitable heart.

The book’s photos, illustrations, quizzes and play lists provide much of the humor and entertainment. You really need a hard copy to get the most out of it. Because I’m so nice, I’m giving one away.

Want it? Leave a comment answering one of these two questions:

Q: If you had a single piece of advice to offer your young lady, what would it be? 

Q: If you don’t have a daughter, what was the best piece of advice your mom/grandmother/aunt/sister/friend gave you when you were young?

For example, Derek's mother gave him this advice before he moved to New York: "Be careful of the toes you step on today -- they may be connected to the ass you'll need to kiss tomorrow." Good advice.

I'll go first. And, don’t be shy. I’ve changed my comments settings to accept anonymous comments. Email your comment if it is not accepted.

The winner will be chosen by random.org. The deadline to comment is this Friday, January 18.