It's all about the love

Some want it to happen. Some wish it would happen. Others make it happen!

I know you've all been sitting on the edges of your seats waiting to hear about the end of my tennis season. Those of you on Facebook may already know that my C8 ALTA tennis team -- affectionately known as D1 -- won our division. Through blood, sweat and tears (and some drama) we worked our way up from worst to first. We went to the city finals last week, but lost.

Having never imagined going to finals, we didn't know what to expect. In addition to being the premiere sporting event of the season in Atlanta, city finals is a showcase of fashion and decor. It is all about decorating, after all.

I talked a little bit about D1 fashion in an earlier post. As Derek Blasberg says: "the gear impacts the performance." D1 girls take this advice to heart and dress for success. No tramps in this crowd. We even wipe our brows in style.

Our captain gave us personalized towels last year. Each with our appointed nickname. 
That's me. Cute, right.

The day before the match I received an email outlining the details for the day. Not only were we expected to play like champions (which we are), we had to compete in the "Best Dressed Table" competition. BYO everything, including the table. ALTA coordinators would be stopping by to view tables and sample food. Although it was a team effort, Tracy (aka "the Hammer") pulled out all the stops and dressed that table to the nines. Believe me when I say it was very classy.

Let's take a look:

Linen table cloth, pewter serving pieces, vintage racquet...

Chocolates courtesy of Greene's Fine Foods.

Champagne glasses with stem tennis ball charms -- nicknames of course. We used plastic just in case the revelry get out of control.

A closer look. Hmm, it looks like Marni (aka "Hot Shot") rearranged the glasses and put hers up front. Always vying for the center of attention.

Adorable D1 and tennis ball cupcakes courtesy of Katie "Moss the Hoss."

Empty tennis ball cans used as high ball glasses. So clever.

Unfortunately, I was unable to visit other tables except for our opponent's that was sitting right behind us -- not so classy. That's to be expected from any team residing OTP (outside the perimeter for those of you who don't live in Atlanta -- similar to outside the beltway for you Washingtonians).

You can imagine my horror when Tracy told me later that a team with ties to Party City won the table competition. Gasp! We were robbed.

Back to the match.

It was a nail biter of a day. The D1 girls toughed it out for over six hours. Boy did we put up a fight. Margaret (aka "Bruiser") walked off the court with a black eye. No lie. Her partner Maggie (aka "Killer") inadvertently hit her with her racquet. But, we did not prevail. With grace and poise, we accepted our ALTA salad plates. First place team won an ALTA dinner plate. I guess the idea is that you can collect an entire place setting if you make it to the finals often. And, we toasted ourselves with prosecco -- our match day drink of choice. Truth be told, we used to drink prosecco before most of our matches. Okay, I had some a few weeks ago. Not during playoffs.

Overall, it was an amazing season. Moving on up to C4, we will always remain D1 in our hearts and minds. Tennis is all about love. We have many challenges ahead of us, but we're bringing home the dinner plate next year. Our new motto:

Good. Better. Best.
 Never let it rest, until your good is better and your better is best.

-- source unknown

Go D1!

Do as I say, not as I do

Busy with the ski trip and home improvement projects, I forgot to mention that I gave up something for Lent. Gossiping. I was reminded of it when I saw this card at Sam Flax last week. (Tip: If you have a self-imposed moratorium on shopping at Paper Source, do not go to Sam Flax.)

Another example of my stellar photography skills. 

I got the idea last year after reading Gretchen Rubin's Happiness Project. As part of her Happiness Project Challenge, she resolved to stop gossiping. If you have time, watch her "stop gossiping" video. Gossip and judgement go hand in hand. I'm certainly not in a position to judge, so I must cut this out.

According to Gretchen, women and men gossip the same amount, but both prefer to gossip to women because they make a better audience. Shocking I know.

Gretchen cites these 6 dodges for pretending you’re not gossiping when you really are:

1. “I’m just concerned.”
2. “I’m thoughtfully analyzing my friend’s character.”
3. “I’m entitled to my opinion.” 

4. “I’m passing along information that a lot of people already know."
5.  “I’m just relaying a conversation.”

6.  “I’m not gossiping, you are.”


Sound familiar?

Gretchen herself admits that gossiping is fun. In that same vein:

"Gossip is what no one claims to like, but everybody enjoys."
--Joseph Conrad 

"Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip."
--Erma Bombeck

I have heard this many, many times, but never knew who coined the phrase:

“If you haven't got anything good to say about anybody, come sit next to me.”
--Alice Roosevelt Longworth

Sidenote: Alice was a bit of a tramp back in her day and a self-proclaimed hedonist.

All of this said, I know gossiping is unkind. I will try to heed Gretchen's advice. If I wouldn’t want the person who’s the subject of the conversation to overhear what I’m saying, I shouldn’t be saying it.

If your ears are burning, I promise it's not me.

20 ways to be a lady

Derek Blasberg

As promised in an earlier post, here’s my take on Derek Blasberg’s book Very Classy. So who is Derek Blasberg and what makes him such an expert on lady-like behavior? He’s a fashion writer, editor and author of the New York Times best seller Classy. Based on his observations and his experience in the industry, he can categorize the women he’s met into two groups: ladies and tramps.

During my first reading of the book I thought to myself: He’s got some solid advice for young women. If I had a daughter I might give her a copy, but for the fact that he uses some form of the word “skank” 22 times and “tramp” 54 times. If these words offend you, don’t bother reading it.

Very Classy covers everything a young girl needs to know to become a responsible, successful adult. There is way too much content for me to discuss here, so I’ll just share some of my favorites.

It goes without saying that appearance is the basis for most first impressions. According to Derek, it is one of the things that best differentiates ladies from tramps. This pretty much says it all:

Real ladies dress to respect themselves. They dress up their assets and cover their asses. Tramps confuse their asses with their assets.

My top 20 pearls of wisdom culled from the book -- in no particular order -- I would pass on to a daughter approaching adulthood -- if I had one:

1. A lady doesn’t do anything she's not comfortable with.
2. It’s not always the loudest, least covered, blondest, biggest-chested girl at the party having the most fun. It is the smart, sweet, thoughtful girls who are most attractive.
3. There is a fine line between looking sexy and slutty. Exposed body parts and underwear are not sexy.
4. Nothing good can come from a young woman’s amateur attempt at pole dancing.
5. While dining, a lady knows that her cell phone should not be visible unless there is an emergency. It's downright gauche to give your phone more attention than your dining companions. (See manners makeover.)
6. A lady doesn’t apply makeup at the table.
7. A lady understands that once she posts something on the Internet she can never take it back. The World Wide Web has a very good memory.
8. A lady knows how to give a compliment—and mean it. She also knows how to receive a compliment gracefully.
9. A lady is careful with her words, even the nasty ones.
10. A lady accepts an apology, even if she doesn’t want to. There’s nothing ladylike about a grudge.
11. A lady makes an apology, not an excuse.
12. A lady doesn’t cheat – on cards, tests or boyfriends.
13. A lady is aware of what she eats, but is not obsessed by it.
14. A lady takes her health seriously.
15. A lady shouldn’t do something she’s going to feel guilty about later.
16. A lady is always learning. Unlike large breasts and full bottoms, in a few decades intelligence won’t sag. (Love this!)
17. A lady is never worried about possessing intelligence.
18. A lady is knowledgeable about current events.
19. A lady has opinions and lets them be known freely and at appropriate times.
20. A lady has a charitable heart.

The book’s photos, illustrations, quizzes and play lists provide much of the humor and entertainment. You really need a hard copy to get the most out of it. Because I’m so nice, I’m giving one away.

Want it? Leave a comment answering one of these two questions:

Q: If you had a single piece of advice to offer your young lady, what would it be? 

Q: If you don’t have a daughter, what was the best piece of advice your mom/grandmother/aunt/sister/friend gave you when you were young?

For example, Derek's mother gave him this advice before he moved to New York: "Be careful of the toes you step on today -- they may be connected to the ass you'll need to kiss tomorrow." Good advice.

I'll go first. And, don’t be shy. I’ve changed my comments settings to accept anonymous comments. Email your comment if it is not accepted.

The winner will be chosen by random.org. The deadline to comment is this Friday, January 18.

Manners makeover

In a digital world, do manners need a makeover? I say yes.

I don't claim to be an etiquette expert, but here are a few of my pet peeves and what the experts have to say about them.

Let's start with tech etiquette. I know I’ll get a lot of flack for this, but I abhor the use of electronics -- whether it be a cell phone, smart phone or BlackBerry -- during social gatherings or in public places within earshot of others. In my book, there are some exceptions. These include, but are not limited to: calling 911, checking on the welfare of a loved one, or receiving good news from a loved one -- like “it’s a boy,” responding to time-sensitive work issues or notifying someone if you’re going to be late or have to cancel an engagement. 

"The most important manner to remember when it comes to technology is this: be aware of how your use of technology impacts those around you," says manners maven Emily Post. Simply stated, be polite. Now in its 18th edition Emily Post's Etiquette covers how to use your cell phone or smart phone politely, with special tips on texting and emailing. She also covers tattoos and technology in the work place. Can you show your tats and piercings at work? I have the book and would be happy to provide you with her answer if you ask for it in the comments section.

Most of you already know that I am social media shy. Again, I know I’m in the minority here, but it’s just not cool to post photos on a Facebook page -- or a blog for that matter -- without getting permission. “Do ask before you post pictures from a party whether anyone minds having them on Facebook,” advises Henry Alford in his book Would it Kill You to Stop Doing That? A Modern Guide to Manners.

Here are a few of his other tips for restoring civility in the age of constant connectivity along with my commentary:

• Don’t answer a telephone call with an e-mail. Or an e-mail with a text message. Or a text with a Facebook message. In the communication hierarchy, you generally want to match the level of intimacy or move up the hierarchy -- a move down can look like you’re avoiding the person.

Good to know. My communication hierarchy needs a re org.

• Don’t text -- or forget to turn off your ringer -- at the movie theater no matter how strong the urge to LOL. If you’re perpetually rattled by the glowing phone screens of others texting during movies, do bring a tiny penlight to shine on them. It’s more discreet than shushing but still delivers a wallop of social shame.

I'm a moviegoer -- love this tip! And, I can think of many other situations when I could use the shine of shame. I'm getting one.

Moving on. 'Tis the season for gift giving, which leads me to my next peeve – regifting. In case you’re not familiar with the concept:

Regifting or regiving is the act of taking a gift that has been received and giving it to somebody else, sometimes in the guise of a new gift. -- Wickipedia

Interesting side note: The concept became popularized by a Seinfeld episode in which Elaine calls Dr. Tim Whatley a “regifter” after he gives Jerry a label-maker that was originally given to Whatley by Elaine. Anyone remember this episode?

Is regifting rude or resourceful? I say rude. But, let’s see what some etiquette experts have to say on the matter: 

Kim Izzo, etiquette columnist: Well I hate to say it, but, yes, it is rude. It seems like a twisted form of recycling. You can absolutely pass it on, but be open about it. Do it in the moment. Don't reroute it! I would just never pretend that I bought something. 

Ceri Marsh, etiquette columnist: It's not just rude, it's kind of tacky! I would rather see you give it to charity because then you're actually doing some good, not taking credit for having done something that you didn't. But really, just don't do it. It doesn't honor the thought behind the gift. 

E. Jean Carroll, Elle magazine advice columnist: I love the concept of regifting -- I think we should do it with our men! When we get tired of our boyfriend, give him to a girlfriend. Don't let a good man go to waste! (Love this!)

Other experts -- including Emily -- give a nod to regifting depending on the circumstance. 

I have many other peeves, but I’ll stop here. What are your etiquette peeves? Just for fun, please answer my anonymous "regifting" poll on the top right of this blog page. You must click onto the blog site to enter or post a comment. You can not do it from the e-mail text.