Small talk...

We are co-hosting a political fundraiser at our home next week. I won't be the only host/hostess there, but I'll be at the helm setting the tone for the meet and greet. I do love to entertain. But, one thing's for sure, I'll never be in the political spot light.

I spent the first 30 years of my life in Washington, DC. As a young professional, if you don't know how to network in the capital city, you're pretty much screwed. While I am a good networker and make friends easily, I suck at small talk. For me, it's fascinating to watch adept small talkers at social gatherings. You know who I'm talking about, right? The people who work the room glad-handing and yucking it up from one person to the next. No matter when or where you see them, they are always on. Truth be told, this often turns me off. I don't feel like I ever get to know the real person inside. I loathe disingenuous people. I once worked with a woman like this. I never really trusted her. I also had a friend in high school who told her bridesmaids to work the room at her reception. Enough said. I don't want to get started on a rant.

I'll be the first to admit that it's important to be a good conversationalist -- something I always need to brush up on. I read a recent article on fastcompany.com by Laura Venderkam on how to master the art of small talk. She contends that small talk gets a bad rap, and shared some advice from Debra Fine's book The Fine Art of Small Talk. Having not read the book -- just the examples in the fast company article -- I'm guessing her angle is how to chat up people who can get you somewhere -- maybe open up some doors either on a social or professional level. "Every conversation," says Fine," is an opportunity for success." A few of her basic points are helpful, but others seem contrived. Like practicing answers "to how are you?" before you go to an event.

I like Derek Blasberg's five tips on how to strike up a conversation from his New York Times best seller Classy. You know I love his books.

1. Compliment someone on what he/she is wearing. Turn it into a question: "I love your vintage derby hat. Where on earth did you find it?" Just make sure the compliment is sincere.
2. People love expressing their opinions, so ask someone for theirs. For example, if you're partying at someone's house, ask other people what they think of it. You might ask something like: "Maureen's house is gorgeous. She has such a great eye for design. And is always the consummate hostess. What do you think about her grace and style?" (Just kidding of course.)
3. People love to hear their names. Go up and introduce yourself and ask for the person's name. Remember it (a tough one for me) and use it with liberal abandon.
4. Show off your knowledge of current events. This is why I keep reminding you all to read theSkimm religiously.
5. When in doubt, go with the old standbys. What's up with this weather? Have you seen any good movies lately? What are you reading? What did you do today? Any travel plans this summer?

"The most important thing when meeting new people," says Eric, "is to come off as friendly, genuine, honest and interesting. Ask questions. Ask follow up questions. Listen and smile."

In social situations, what are you more likely to do: spread yourself evenly among guests making small talk, or say your hello's and spend most of your time with a small group of people you already know?

So what?

Has anyone else noticed the extensive use of the word "so" in conversations over the last several years? I'm talking about what linguists call the "sentence initial-so." For example. Q: "How was your trip to Puerto Rico?" A: "So, we spent the first day in Old San Juan…" Not, used for emphasis when unnecessary: "I'm SO going to the sale at J. Crew today." This is annoying too, but not the subject of attack here.

I was at a meeting last week and the chair answered every question -- I could kick myself for not counting, because it would have been impressive -- with the word "so." If you search this blog, you will likely find lead-in sentences starting with "so." This has become a personal pet peeve of mine. I can't stand when I catch myself saying it. Of course, I became curious about why the "sentence initial-so" went into verbal overkill.

According to askmen, the 10 most overused words today are:

#1: Like
#2: Nice
#3: Gay
#4: Seriously
#5: Bitch
#6: Whatever
#7: Awesome
#8: Ridiculous
#9: Literally
10#: Love/Hate

Honorary mention: LOL (used in Internet talk)

Admittedly, I say all of these words with frequency. Feel free to call me out on it. The subject of this blog, after all, is stuff I love and hate -- but I chose the kinder and gentler version "loathe" instead. Remember Charlotte's BGF (best gay friend) Anthony on Sex and the City? Anthony was direct. That's why I liked his character. Remember when he and Char went wedding dress shopping? "Hate it" he said to every dress presented until they found a winner. Just so you know, when I say I "loathe" a Golden Globes or Oscars gown, I really hate it.

Back on topic. Not surprisingly, language experts have explored "so" usage. A quick trip to blog.dictionary.com -- yes, there is a blog dictionary -- unveiled various theories. Some experts say that "so" is used as a fill-in or pause phrase much in the same way "um," "well," and "like" are used in conversations. A 2010 New York Times article reports some other expert theories. Rutgers Linguistics scholar Galina Boldman says that the "initial word-so," among other reasons, is used to cue the listener that what follows is relevant to the conversation at hand. Check out her research. Linguist and host of A Way with Words Grant Barrett contends that it's used as an acceptable tool to manage conversations.

Interestingly, Microsoft tech nerds have taken credit for the "so" boom. Not sure it's something to brag about.

All of this may be true, but I personally think it's become contagious. You hear it a lot. You start saying it a lot even though it doesn't make sense. Speaking of, I'm sick of hearing more and more people deliver information or instruction followed by "does that make sense?" According to career coach Tara Sophia Mohr, this is one of the top 10 no no's for women to say at work. "This phrase sounds like you think you're incoherent." Same goes for "do you know what I mean?" which I often hear GRITS say'n.  Instead use "what are your thoughts" or "let me know if you have any questions," she says. Makes you sound more confident.

Over lunch recently a friend shared that she gets peeved when people say "no problem" instead of "you're welcome" as an expression of gratitude. I personally don't care for the new trend of people saying "no worries" instead of "no problem." Again, it's contagious IMO.

What overused words/phrases are getting on your nerves these days?

Do you need to go on a digital diet?

I was flipping through an issue of House Beautiful this summer and stopped dead in my tracks when I saw an entire page devoted to taking a "digital time out." Among other things, it mentions Daniel Sieberg's book The Digital Diet. Sounded interesting. Not knowing if I wanted to buy it, I looked for the title in the library catalog. No matches. Found it on Amazon, but there were only 4 customer reviews that didn't entice me to buy a copy. According to Amazon, this book is frequently bought with Cyber Junkie. Since the Mophead boys are currently infatuated with Minecraft (for only 30 minutes a day -- except for when I get distracted while on my own device), I thought the title was worth investigating. Checked the library again. Nope. But here are some titles it pulled up:

Cyberpunk
Cyberpunk: Outlaws and hackers on the computer frontier
Cybersafety
Cyberstalking
Cyber Terror
Cyber Terrorism

Frightening, I know.

I haven't read The Digital Diet, so I can't offer my thoughts. You can read Sieber's article in The Washington Post where he outlines his 4-step plan to break your tech addiction and regain balance in your life. Or you can check out his YouTube video.

So, how do you know if you need to go on a digital diet? Here are some questions to ask yourself:

Q: Do you ever feel the urge to pull out your smartphone while someone else is making a point in a conversation?

Q: Have you ever realized that you were texting or checking your e-mail while your child was telling you about her day at school?

Q: Have you ever felt that something hasn’t really happened until you post it on Facebook?

Q: Are you spending time with your spouse or significant other without talking to each other because you’re each immersed in a different device?

If you think you might be addicted to social media, take this test:

{via}

This all got me thinking about something I read in the February issue of Vanity Fair. Editor Graydon Carter grossly generalizes people into three groups:

1.Those who like to record and share every aspect of their lives no matter how inconsequential.
2.Those who live lives that are actually worth recording, but don't.
3. The vast sweep of humanity who neither record their lives nor live ones worth recording. 

In the digital age, we have access to technology to record and share every facet of our daily lives -- Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest, etc. Prolific recorders, according to Carter, tend to be oversharers. I tend to agree.

Food for thought: Is all the time taken to record and share details of our daily lives time taken away from the stuff that really matters?